How I Relate to Mariam Khan’s “Feminism Needs to Die”

Being a woman who is so clearly Muslim comes with its struggles. I found the Mariam Khan reading really relatable. I haven’t even experienced the worst of the sexism and Islamophobia this world has to offer because my whole life has been so sheltered. But even with growing up in a liberal town and then attending Uni I have a decent grasp on what Khan was arguing. I never exactly had any negative feelings towards feminism, but it didn’t feel like the right place for me. I didn’t have the words to describe it, but looking back its clear that feminism was always targeted towards white women. I loved that feminism told women to dress how they wanted, and to ignore men and their demands on how a woman should be. But, according to my religion, I had rules on how to dress and act towards men. I thought that feminism and Islam were two entirely separate things, with no overlap at all. As I got older and I became more comfortable in asking questions about Islam I learned that Islam is feminist. Mariam Khan highlights this in her chapter. Islam is a safe place for women, and although they are described to have different duties, men and women are completely equal. Any ideas of gender inequality in my life came from cultural ideas, not religious ones. Yet, as I learned feminism does fit with ideas of Islam, it still didn’t welcome people like me. “Feminists” view me as a poor girl who needs saving from the oppression that comes from my religion. I remember when I first started wearing hijab around the end of 6th grade most people in my class were supportive. Some made jokes, and some were confused because they had already seen my hair, but most were supportive. I didn’t really care about anyone's opinion though, other than my friends. I was so happy they supported me, and even thought I looked good wearing a hijab. That is until I realized they didn’t fully understand what being a hijabi is. One day a friend came up to me and asked me how long I had to wear it for. I remember being so confused as I laughed it off and said “it's a forever thing”. She audibly gasped and thought it was completely crazy and unfair. It became clear to me that feminism’s idea of “you get to wear what you want” didn’t apply to me. Even though I wanted to wear a hijab, which also came with covering my arms and legs, people didn’t like it, and even thought I was brainwashed by religion into doing something that violated my rights as a woman. Mariam Khan put all my feelings and experiences into coherent words, and I felt so represented in a way that I haven’t before. Learning about feminism in the past I never felt represented as a brown woman, and learning about Islam in a school setting made me feel awkward as all eyes were on me and teachers relied on me rather than doing their research. I think the core ideas of feminism make sense and should be taught, but it needs to be emphasized that feminism is for everyone, not just white women who feel like they need to save me from being a brown muslim. Those are core parts of my identity, and it’s other people’s job to accept that rather than trying to fit me into a “feminist’ box that wasn’t made for me.